by trullyyours

When I was little,
I made excuses not to visit
I hated the stench, the peeling floral wallpaper they used
in attempt to make the rooms feel
welcoming.
It’s not home, it would never make
anyone feel at home.

I either had too much homework
or just not enough time.
But in reality I was just really scared.
And in reality, I just didn’t want to
face reality.
I didn’t want to accept that strength
can be turned into weakness,
that the people who once loved you
with all the energy they had would
someday need you to foster your own
to love them just as hard back.
I didn’t know how to be
an anchor,
I was not ready to understand.

Today, I brushed your hair
and tucked you in
every chance that I could get.
I’m typically soft spoken but I
was assertive in demanding just
one more blanket and

I wondered if they purposely made
the building so cold or if
the patients did, if their visitors did,
if the workers, who appeared drained
and unable to tend to all of the voices
surrounding them, did.
Or if it was just the coldness stemmed
from all the sadness that filled the air.

Because I don’t believe that they would
purposely make the rooms so damn
cold.

Today, I brushed your hair
like you used to brush mine.
And I made sure to tuck all the edges
of the blanket inward,
I made sure there wouldn’t be any
open space for any type of draft to
seep in.

It’s the same as before,
the visiting hours haven’t changed
and they all say that you’ve been good,
just a little lonely sometimes.
And I know I’d be scared, too.
And it’s okay to be angry,
it’s easier to be angry.

It’s okay to be anything,
you’re still the strongest I’ve known.
Even they say so.